


Desolate Soul

by chaos_ineffable



Series: Good Omens 30th Anniversary [9]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Character Study, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley is a Mess (Good Omens), God Ships Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), M/M, Pre-Apocalypse, Pre-Canon, They/Them Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens), aziraphale isn't there a lot, this is all about crowley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24204535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaos_ineffable/pseuds/chaos_ineffable
Summary: Crowley doesn't often doubt his reason for Falling, or anything for that matter. But sometimes he needs answers and there's only one person who has ever been able to answer his questions.Or, Crowley talks to God and actually gets an answer.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Good Omens 30th Anniversary [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729684
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Desolate Soul

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea when this is set. Sometime post-bookshop opening but pre-Blitz. The church Crowley is in is based off a Catholic church I saw in a picture once. I am not Catholic and have never stepped into a Catholic church so if the imagery doesn't make sense, I am so sorry.
> 
> The prompt is 'Doubt'.

The church is desolate and empty. The roof is filled with holes, crumbling under the weight of its abandonment. Painted glass windows lay in shards across the floor, their colorful patterns and holy images lost in dust and grime. The pews are rotten, the altar in shambles. Only the statue of Christ that stands behind the altar - nailed to his cross, face turned toward Heaven with faith-filled eyes – is left in decent condition.

He is the only holy thing left in this place. His skin is covered in dirt but streaks of gleaming bronze shine through the grime where rain has slipped through the hole directly overhead. Sometimes, when the light hits his face just right, it almost looks like he’s crying.

A being kneels on the floor in front of the statue. Their head is bent forward, auburn waves cascading over an angular face. “M’not sure why I’m bothering. Not like you’re listening to a word I have to say these days,” they whisper into the echoing silence. “Doubt you’re even aware this place exists anymore. It’s been, what, almost thirty years since anyone’s even looked its way?” 

Crowley came here for a reason. An idiotic need that has festered in their charred soul for decades, growing into a desperation that they can no longer ignore. This was the only place they could think of that would guarantee a connection to Her without blistering half their body; the only place they can ask Her the questions they desperately need answered.

They shuffle in place, taking a moment to relieve their knees from the searing pressure of the church floor. Even after thirty years, there are still traces of holiness strong enough to burn a demon.

“May as well get this over with,” Crowley grumbles, looking up at the crucifix, their gold-amber eyes glowing slightly in the dim light. They fold their hands together and begin to pray. 

The words torch their tongue but they push through, spitting out each syllable until they can’t feel the inside of their mouth anymore. Eventually, blissfully, they finish and the pain subsides. They stare up at Christ’s tear-stained face and wait for something. Anything.

When nothing happens, just like they suspected, they stumble to their feet, strangled curses dropping from their blistered and bleeding lips. “Is this what you wanted then? Huh? Did you want us both to suffer through this damned ordeal? Did you want him to question everything he’s ever done until he’s terrified to do anything at all? Did you want me to Fall? Fall from you and fall for him? Is this all part of your blasted Plan?”

They fall back to their knees and wipe bloody spittle from their chin. They can feel tears on their cheeks but don’t wipe them away. They look back up at Christ’s face, at the faith sculpted into his eyes and the tears nature has given him, and croaks out a broken, “Did I do the right thing? When I asked my questions instead of following blindly… Was that worth all of this pain?”

There is no reply for some time. They kneel on the floor of the abandoned church, tears staining their cheeks and blood leaking from their lips. Then something changes; a shift in the air. Holy power floods through the church and Crowley hisses and leaps to their feet but it’s gone almost as fast as it came. There’s a lingering warmth that presses in around them, a warmth they haven’t felt since Before. 

New tears pour down their face. They cling to that feeling, grasp it with both hands and refuse to let go. It slips through their fingers anyway, leaving them just as cold and empty as they were before.

But now they have an answer. They stumble from the fallen church and make their way to a familiar bookshop shining in the lamp light. Their doubts are gone, whisked away with the warmth of Her love. They push open the doors and step inside, letting the coziness of the shop settle into their bones. 

Aziraphale sits in his favorite chair, book in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. He smiles warmly at Crowley.

Crowley grins back. They are so full of love; love they know they are allowed to feel; love they know will never be taken from them. They settle on the couch opposite Aziraphale and begin the dance they’ve danced around each other for thousands of years. They love this angel with everything their broken soul can muster and they intend to love him until the universe stops turning.

They watch Aziraphale rant about an especially annoying customer and sip their wine. Whether Falling was the right decision or not, Crowley no longer has any doubt that it was completely worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!


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